At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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