Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
