I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
