I was born with a shot glass in my hand
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize