I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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