I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
