then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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