Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
