Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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