I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize