walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
We're too hungover to prance.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
