Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
