tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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