Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
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