I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
