There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
The air was thick with penises
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
