You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
