i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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