I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
