I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
