Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(812): View more from Indiana

he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.

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(713): View more from Texas

Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...

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(250): View more from British Columbia

some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF

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(859): View more from Kentucky

If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.

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(708): View more from Illinois

I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet

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(870): View more from Arkansas

Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.

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(618): View more from Illinois

Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here

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(210): View more from Texas

My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.

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