No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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