I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
