at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize