Kiss
Puke
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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