Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
you never un-have a 4some
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
