It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
