need another drink. this is the easiest way
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
