We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
