What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
