My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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