Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
