Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
being pregnant is like rehab
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
