When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
All the doctor said was why
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
