Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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