he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
