bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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