i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
