This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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