it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
