Sry I called you an 8
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
