I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
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