Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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