next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
