I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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