2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Randomize
