I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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