kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
