i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize