im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
