piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
