So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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