i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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