There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
