I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
