I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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