3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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