I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
