they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
