If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
