I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize