cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
