I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
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