just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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