I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
