I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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