Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
